'I am much more afraid of the McCanns than of God'
Here we translate José A. Pérez satire [*see below] interview to Madeleine Beth McCann ghost at Mi Mesa Cojea, a Spanish Humour blog. We too often wondered if Madeleine had a voice, a ghost's voice, or even a living human's voice - not a prerecorded voice on a 'easy-tiny-tears-effect' home movie, what exactly would she say about her un-mysterious demise.
A phrase by José Antonio Pérez, author of Mi Mesa Cojea blog: "I am much more afraid of the McCanns than of God."
EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW TO MADELEINE MCCANN
“If everybody's thinking alike, somebody isn't thinking.”
General George S. Patton
by Jose A. Pérez
You're not going to believe it.
I was in the kitchen, doing some coffee and thinking, like every morning in an easy way to end the Basque conflict, when I noticed a light coming from the living room. First I thought it was one of those low consumption light bulbs that was on flames. I went into the living room with my mobile in the hand, ready to call the 112 [emergency number], but suddenly I stopped just before I was able to press 2. In the centre of the parlour, on the top of my white Stockholm table, there was a small translucent body, wrapped in a whitish brightness and with a bold attitude. She didn't seem to be more than 5 years old, she was blonde and she smiled at me.
JOSE: Maddie? Madeleine McCann?
MADDIE: The very same.
J: What the hell? Are you really Madeleine McCann?
M: Eh, calm down, cowboy, anyone would say you're seeing a ghost.
J: You're alive!
M: Well, actually I am a ghost.
J: Don't tell me anymore! You came here for me to help you solve your crime!
M: No. I came here to take a Cola-Cao [chocolate milk]. Do you have some?
J: Err… Do you like Nesquik?
M: It's ok.
I make her a Nesquik. She sits down next to me in the kitchen . She is a very polite little girl. I ask her if I can tape the conversation, she says to go ahead.
J: So you are really dead, uh?
M: Yes, buddy, it's a bore.
J: I am really sorry. Forgive me for asking, but.. Why exactly, from all the inhabitants on Earth, did you appear precisely to me?
M: Well, you are one of the few who treats my parents the way they deserve to be treated. I like that about you.
J: That is to say, that your parents murdered you.
M: Not exactly, but let us not talk about that, I get a bit depressed, you know?
J: Yes, of course, I get it. That...err... What did you say exactly?
J: Right, right, sorry. Listen, I want you to know that I am absolutely delighted that you showed yourself to me, and that I enjoy to have breakfast with you, however.. I believe I am the less suitable person in the World for this. On account of the fact that everytime I do a joke about you, everyone jumps on me.
M: Oh, to Hell with everyone. They are nothing more than a bunch of hypocrites.
J: Yes, maybe, but now all of them will think that I created this conversation between you and me, and they'll again accuse me of using your name for gratuitous provocations.
M: To hell with those people. I am the first who laughs about this all. Do you know what really bothers me? The Beckham situation. I really admired that guy, why did he campaign for my parents?
J: Well, Maddie, he believes that they are innocent.
M: Oh, please, what are we talking about? My parents hired the best experts in public relations! They used the donations fund to pay the mortgage, for God's sake! What kind of imbecile can trust them?
J: The Pope.
M: Yes, that is another imbecile. I am the business of the Century, buddy. They've sold more T-shirts with my face on than with Mickey Mouse, and they have even started to negotiate MY story with Hollywood. And what for? So my mum can leave her job and dedicate herself to playing the Wii 12 hours a day.
J: You are truly delightful, Maddie. I really feel sorry for you.
M: Oh, don't be so sensible or you'll make me cry. Thank you so much for the Nesquick.
J: Thank you for visiting me. Come back whenever you feel like it.
M: Thanks, cowboy. Take care.
And, puf, there she goes. Like I said. A charming little girl.
*Satire: "a literary manner which blends a critical attitude with humour and wit to the end that human institutions or humanity may be improved."
Source: Mi Mesa Cojea, January 16, 2008
Minor update 31st December: José A. Pérez decided put back the interview to Maddie's ghost (Redux) new link here. Bravo José Pérez, saludos y felicidades desde a Portugal. Viva la libertad de expresión!
Article 19 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights
Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers.
Related (Thanks to Nigel at the McCann Files):
Anger over writer's sick 'interview' with Madeleine McCann Glasgow Daily Record (article removed 4 hours after publication)
By Tom Worden
Dec 29 2008
A WRITER has caused fury by publishing an "interview" with Madeleine McCann.
Jose Antonio Perez, 28, penned "Madeleine's ghost" online as a joke.
In his sickening blog, he pokes fun at the missing youngster, ridicules the search for her and makes an outrageous slur against her heartbroken mum Kate.
But last night, TV scriptwriter Perez was facing a massive backlash over the hugely offensive piece.
He was branded "pathetic" by readers of his website, which has been shortlisted for awards.
One disgusted blogger said: "How can you take the subject of a missing girl as a point of humour? Do you have no shame?"
Perez, who works for a top Spanish TV show, says Madeleine visited him at his home in Bilbao, Spain.
He says the ghost with a "cocky attitude" told him: "I'm the business of the century kid.
"They have sold more T-shirts with my face on than Mickey Mouse and have started to negotiate the rights to my story with Hollywood."
Kate gave up her job as a GP as she struggled to cope with Maddie's disappearance and Perez also makes a shocking jibe about that.
She and Scots husband Gerry, doctors from Rothley, Leicestershire, have just endured their second Christmas without their daughter.
Perez, who writes for Spanish comedy El Hormiguero (The Anthill), uses his website Mi Mesa Cojea (My Table Wobbles) to publish jokes he can't get on telly. But he continued to mock the McCanns in a newspaper interview.
He told 20 Minutos: "I have spoken with God, with the ghost of little Madeleine McCann, with Al Gore and next I will interview Barack Obama.
"So far, nobody has called me to complain. But I'm much more afraid of the McCanns than I am of God."
Website readers have blasted Perez for writing about Madeleine and her devastated family.
One said: "It is a case that has caused sadness around the world.
"I can only tell you that people like you will go straight to hell for having no shame, for failing to respect the suffering of others."
A second said: "I think you're pathetic, ridiculous, meaningless.
"Tell me, what have you done of any worth? What gives you the right to spout such rubbish?"
Another added: "At least learn to spell before writing such bloody nonsense about that poor little angel."
And a fourth said: "You are a prat. You have no conscience."
Madeleine went missing on a family holiday in the Algarve, Portugal, in May last year, just days before her fourth birthday. A huge search has failed to find her.
Fury at Maddie 'ghost chat' The Sun
Published: 29 December 2008
A SICK comedy writer has sparked outrage by publishing a spoof interview with Madeleine McCann's "ghost".
Jose Perez, 28, who writes for Spanish TV, reports in his online blog that Maddie — who vanished in May 2007 aged three — visited his house.
He said she criticised parents Kate and Gerry, saying: "I'm the business kid of the century.
"They've sold more T-shirts with my face on than Mickey Mouse. And what for? So my mum can leave her job and play Nintendo all day."
Perez was inundated with criticism. One reader wrote: "You've no shame."
Fury over spoof chat to Maddie The People
By Tom Worden
28 December 2008
A comedy writer has sparked outrage over a sick "interview" with missing Madeleine McCann.
Jose Perez, 28, who writes scripts for Spanish TV, joked on his website that five-year-old Madeleine's "ghost" visited him 20 months after she vanished on holiday in Portugal.
Perez wrote: "There was a small, translucent corpse, shrouded in an off-white glow and with a cocky attitude." He then made a string of of offensive remarks about Madeleine's parents Gerry and Kate, both 40, of Rothley, Leics.
But the website was flooded with complaints.
One said: "I think you're pathetic, ridiculous, meaningless." And another said: "You are a prat. You have no conscience"